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February 11, 2008



I'm so sorry. :( I told my husband yesterday that he should just get the hell out of the house since I'm the one bringing home the bacon, frying it up, serving it, throwing it up after taking all my damn medication, and then cleaning up after me, him and our son afterwards, so what the hell do we need him for? Nice, huh? And all in front of my sweet little one. Of course this is after he slammed my laptop down on my hand and told me I'm addicted to the computer and must either shut it *now* or he wouldn't be spending the day with us. Talk about bad years... But some things I just don't want to blog about, KWIM? Kudos to you for much more honest blogging. :)

As for little ones, I feel your pain on the not right now. My perfect child who was a great sleeper and eater from birth now won't go to bed, is a picky eater and is suddenly juggling knives and trying to use the microwave by himself!!! Ack! I swear, he's going to send me to an early grave if work or my stress level don't do it.

Sending you some happy, perky vibes!

CT Mom

Hi Kady - I followed the link to your blog from the comment you left on mine, and just finished reading it from start to finish. I was you 7 years ago, the only difference was my oldest was 11 months when I started my law job and 2 1/2 when I quit (I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd the week I quit). My job was an in-house corporate lawyer, $62K a year, which I told myself was ok because I was trading salary for work/family balance. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Hours were long, I was never home, hubby was working a corporate job plus taking care of our daughter (after she already spent a whole day in daycare). I was angry, I missed my daughter and our marriage was tense. I wanted to quit a month after I started. Before I passed the CT bar (took 2 tries - horrible morning sickness while taking the Feb bar, missed by 12 points, took again in July and passed), I was a systems manager, and loved my job. I took the law job because it looked like a good opportunity to use my 12+ years in financial services plus law - I was hired for my business experience. I was treated like a lower than sh-- on your shoe 1st year associate, and after almost 2 years, enough was enough. I quit and went back to systems. I now work in data security and information protection policy as a project manager and work with attorneys all the time. The degree gives me credibility, I love the guys I work with. I make in the low six figures, and the worse week is when I work 50 hours. AND I"M HAPPY.

So what I'm saying to you is this - the situation you're in is not worth it. You're sacrificing everything - family, marriage, your health. There is more to life than big law. Your daughters will only be this age once - I missed so much of my older daughter's young life, and I will never get that time back. Yes, you have debt, and yes, J's job may not pay a lot, but he finds it fulfilling. You need to do the same.

Btw I did do the SAHM thing for about 9 months (other than maternity leaves) when my daughters were 6 and 3 - left a job that I initially loved but turned so bad to the point I became severely depressed. But as SAHM I was bored out of my mind and they drove me crazy - I like working. Hubby has been supportive but even he got tired of the ups and downs - first I'm a lawyer, hate it, quit, get new job, ok for a few years, freak out, quit, hate being home, work again. And I don't blame him.

Sorry for the long comment - I guess I just want you to see that there is life outside of law, and what you're sacrificing you will come to regret. It's really not worth it. Feel free to email me any time.


I can't even imagine working as a lawyer AND being a parent. But keep your chin up--at least you don't have matching sweatshirts, right?

And my town of Austin's the best. So's Portland. Basically, any town that has people selling tie-dye on the streetcorner's gonna be a good place to live.


I think you need to move to salvage your sanity, or at least find a less intense job. I can't speak about Austin or KC, but I'm in Portland right now and loving it. The legal salaries are not what you'd expect given the rather high cost of living, but the billables are a lot more forgiving to compensate. There are also a lot of colleges here, too, so maybe J can find another teaching gig. Good luck to you.


I completely agree with you on wanting to move to a midsized city and think your husband is being very unrealistic. Boston, NY or Tokyo? I mean, for that to work, you would either need to (1) stay at a long hours/high stress job you hate or (2) he would have to get a better/more stable job so you could get an easier job. He seems to be pointing you to the former option because he can't make the second option work for himself (but blames you for it, i.e. playing househusband).

It seems unfair that he should get to value his own geographic preferences over your desire to spend more time with your kids/work less. I would think personal geographic preferences should take the back seat to children/wanting to enjoy one's career. Especially when the options on the table are all urban areas and not total rural, bfv places.


Came over to check out your blog & just let me say that I can totally relate. The single most predominate argument in my marriage is the "whose time is more important" argument. We actually left D.C. because we were both working insane hours & we were going to kill each other if we didn't slow down. Unfortunately, now that I'm at a less demanding firm, my husband tends to take advantage of that a little *too* much, if you know what I mean. It's a careful balancing act and we have to rebalance constantly or we all fall over. Hang in there!

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